How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
