How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
