dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
