I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
