the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
