I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
