You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
