if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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