I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
