I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
