Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
