Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
