remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Houston, we have a blender
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
