He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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