she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
