He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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