don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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