and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
