she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's the barista slut.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
