I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize