She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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