I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
