There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A bitchslap is in order.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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