I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
