Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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