you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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