Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
