Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
