Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Porn is love you can see.

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(949): View more from California

Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.

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(229): View more from Georgia

Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

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(503): View more from Oregon

My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.

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(416): View more from Toronto

No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.

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(630): View more from Illinois

true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.

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