I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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