just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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