if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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