how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
