So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
