She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
