I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
