So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
