I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
