well most of my day revolves around power hour
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
