Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
