Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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