dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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