Three words: puerto rican gang bang
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
