I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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