Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
