I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
