I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize