Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
love makes seman taste better
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We're too hungover to prance.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
we're so committed to being not committed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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