brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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