Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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