my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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