His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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