You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
