drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize