I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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