I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
