Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When are your genitals available?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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