Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
