I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
