yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
