i'm signing you up for texting rehab
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
