she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
