Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
