I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Of course I have a pirate flag
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
