even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
