I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
