I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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