My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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