Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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