you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We don't watch enough power rangers
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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