Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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