Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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