I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
