I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize