I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
