u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The uberlube is also flammable
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
