Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
