I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
