My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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