If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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