The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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