One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I will pee on everything he values.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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