Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
