If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
