we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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