are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
