just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
