So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
