He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
