how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
