And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just want to make out with him forever
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
