This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
