Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
