he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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