What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
