If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
