dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
